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will i ever have it all

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[12 Jul 2004|02:23pm]
i have never felt more sad or more alone than right now
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[28 Oct 2003|01:18am]
-i am sick as shit and i hate it
-this is the second time i've had tonsilitus this year and they told me if i got it again they were gonna take them out which sucks my ass i won't be able to eat smoke drink(non alcholic stuff i mean)it will be terrible
-i know i haven't updated or commented in a while and i'm sorry about that i've just been busy as all hell with school and work but i will work on it
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and i'm back [02 Oct 2003|03:11pm]
[ mood | determined ]

-i have been taking a little break from reality to save my sanity. is it bad that all my friends have been getting on my damn nerves and i can't stand to talk to them ? i thought it was which is why i have been in my own little world for the last like week. i just needed to clear my head and focus on what i need to do to get the hell up out of sterling. so now that i've had this time to myself i am ready to take on the world, for the most part
-on a good note i talked to my ex roger which turned out a lot better than i thought it would. he just got back into town and when he left it wasn't on very good terms so i'm glad that we can still be friends after all the drama
-and that ladies and gents completes my little update

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[26 Sep 2003|05:10pm]
[ mood | pissed the fuck off ]

-i know i haven't been updating a lot and now the one time i do it's to bitch and moan
-i really really really hate the silent treatment why do people think this works? all it does is make the other person want to talk to you even more to figure out what the fuck is going on.that is what i'm going through right now i have no clue why i'm not being spoken to but it pisses me off that he's not telling me what's the matter. how is shit supposed to get fixed if you won't talk about the problem? ugggghhh i want to cry because i'm so mad about this shit
-now that i've ranted i feel a little better but only slightly

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it's update time [16 Sep 2003|11:56pm]
[ mood | sick and sleepy ]

my weekend in review
-i had a party on friday since my parents went out of town again i got completely stupid drunk ran into a wall which i barely remember which ended up breaking my toe and then i fell down a muddy ass hill not once but twice i'm leaving out a lot of shit but that was the major stuff
-on saturday i didn't move except to go into work to tell them that i broke my toe then i went to this girl taylor's house that night it was pretty cool except for the fact that i was dead ass tired i called it an early night at like 2
-on sun. i didn't go to work again and spent some time cleaning up my house which wasn't too much fun then i start sneezing and sniffing my ass off all the while making my nose raw w/ my excessive blowing
-mon. i got to chill and do nothing since i had no classes
-now we are at tues. i had a test in french which i think i did ok on but it was kinda retarded so now i'm sitting here still sniffing and sneezing w/ a killer headache and a 1000-1200 word paper due at 8 in the morning tomorrow which i have yet to start on
-i think i'm gonna call it a night

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[11 Sep 2003|12:46pm]
[ mood | hungover ]

-i just saw that thursday is playing at the blackcat i'm so fucking there they rock my socks off
-today i have to go get another estimate for my car after my accident my dad has been on my case for the last 2 weeks so i think i'll finally get it taken care of
-i can't believe i didn't tell the world how great of a show i went to on sun. it was brand new who i love and mxpx who i'd never really heard before but they aren't bad at all and dashboard confessional who always make me cry and sing my heart out it was the best show i've been to in a while but i totally think brand new stole the show mmmhhhhmmmm cute punk boys who can sing made my whole night and a couple more to come
-now it's time to shower and greet the world

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[09 Sep 2003|11:43am]
[ mood | excited ]

-i got an A on my very first french quiz! yay me!!!

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concrete and water [05 Sep 2003|08:22am]
[ mood | awake ]

-today i'm making a little trip down to richmond but i won't be able to see any of my friends i miss ya'll down there but i promise i will come for a weekend and hit all of you up
-i can finally read my friend's page on here i don't know what happened but i'm excited now i can't lose anymore friends b/c i'm not commenting so that shall start again and soon
-blah i'm wide awake and i have a class in an hour which i suppose is a good thing and we have quiz not fun but i studied so i should do well
-i get to see dashboard confessional,brank new, vendetta red and mxpx on sunday i'm so fucking excited i've been looking forward to this show for like 2 months and now it's finally here
-well i'm gonna go take a shower and get ready

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[28 Aug 2003|03:16pm]
-i am so sorry i haven't been commenting but one of my computers doesn't let me see my friend's page and the other one that does freezes up before i can do anything but i'm gonna try and work on it and start commenting again
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[16 Aug 2003|06:52pm]
today is my motherfucking birthday!!!!! yay for me i'm a big 19
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[13 Aug 2003|05:50pm]
my computer is retarded
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[09 Aug 2003|06:21pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

last night as so much fucking fun i went out to a bar w/ my mom and we got a little trashed her more than me but still it was amazing i didn't even get carded it was great i love hanging out w/ my mom shes amazing tonight i think i'm hanging out w/ roger i haven't seen him in a week and i'm looking forward to spending time w/ him he is such a great guy i'm glad that i met him

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[04 Aug 2003|04:19pm]
what the fuck i haven't been able to read my friend's page in like 3 fucking weeks i don't know what the hell is going on but it sucks ass hopefully it will fix itself soon before i smash this computer to bits
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[31 Jul 2003|06:26pm]
-my computer sucks ass i think i have the problem fixed now but it hasn't been letting me update so sorry if you think i've been neglecting y'all i haven't
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[08 Jul 2003|01:35pm]
[ mood | excited ]

-so i met someone really cool and his name is roger and i'm really starting to like him we hung out last night and it was sweet as all hell we just sat around and talked and drank a few beers and my friends got to meet him for the first time and they liked him which is even better who knows where this will go i'll just take it one day at a time and we shall see but for now i'm happy and i haven't been in a while

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me in a nutshell (for the most part) [04 Jul 2003|12:54am]
Of rare beauty
knows how to adapt
likes luxury
of good health not in the least shy
tends to look down on others
wants to impress others
many talents
healthy optimism
waiting for the one true love
able to make quick decisions.

i think this sums me up pretty well except for the of rare beauty thing
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[01 Jul 2003|07:52pm]
[ mood | drained ]

-today was my one day off this week and it was pretty cool i guess
-laura and i went to the pool w/ this chick ashley who is/was fucking the same guy laura was/is it's all very confusing and i'm not even going to go more in to detail than that it was weird to say the least
-we went to the mall after we dropped ashley off and ran into tom but then he left all suddenly w/o saying bye because he didn't like the way we were walking through the mall..whatever the hell that means
-then we went to see charlie's anglels 2 and let me tell you it wasn't all that good the first one was definitely better but hey that's just my opinion
-now i'm chillin at home and probably going to take a nap or something i'm tired as shit
-i will update again on my night later

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[29 Jun 2003|08:04pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

-last night was filled w/ drama but at least it wasn't mine
-laura and i got drunk as hell at my house
-ryan decided he wanted to come after all so he got here at like 4 in the morning
-we go to bed at 5
-i wake up at 7 and can't go back to sleep
-watch tv for an hour while ryan is snoring away in bed
-then get ready to be at work by 11
-it was so slow today i made like 40 bucks
-i got off at like 4 and came home and slept for 2 hours so now my total is up to 4
-tomorrow i work my first double and it's gonna kill me b/c my feet already feel numb as hell after only like 5 hours of work i don't want to know what they will feel like after 10 or 12 but hopefully i will make some money
-i don't think i'm going anywhere tonight
-i'm gonna go watch some tv and chill the fuck out

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[25 Jun 2003|01:39pm]
[ mood | tired ]

-i got maybe 3 hours of sleep
-i had to drive home at 5 in the morning
-i almost hit a deer getting off 495 it like 4 inches from the car
-i get bitched at by my mom
-i have to drive my dad to work and then stay up for 3 more hours so i can go to the damn dr.'s at the buttcrack of morning
-i almost feel asleep on the table
-at 9 i finally was able to sleep
-i just woke up
all this shit happened today and it's not even 2 yet but i did have a really good night so in some ways all that is worth it

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kiss the game goodbye [21 Jun 2003|06:53pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

-i was supposed to be at work at 11 this morning but when i woke up i realized that i couldn't walk without limping all through the night every time i turned over or even just moved a little an excruciating pain would spread from my hip up my back i almost started crying it hurt so badly i don't know what is wrong but i'm making a dr.'s appt. first thing for mon. and i'm gonna try and stick it out at work tomorrow i felt bad calling in considering i'm still in training but can you imagine how much pain i would have been in walking around at a fast pace for like 4 hours that would have been a little much but i'm definitely gonna suck it up so i can start making some real money soon
-on the other hand it was cool because i got to chill around the house with my parents all day and i haven't done that in a while so it was nice we sat on the bed and watched track & field for about 4 hours
-the part that really sucks my ass is that i can't go out tonight because my parents would flip and be like if you can't go to work then your ass needs to stay home tonight which i can totally understand but it still doesn't make me happy oh well that's enough for right now

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